no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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