Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
