Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
