My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
