who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
