Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
