i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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