Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
