I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
