Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently you make a good broom.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize