Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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