Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You can't special order awesome
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
