She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
