My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
