I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
