I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
