She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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