I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
