So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
