I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
