I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
