Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
