I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
