I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
