No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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