i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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