You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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