he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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