i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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