you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
