What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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