I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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