Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
