so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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