Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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