im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
