Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
