Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
