our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
