His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
