i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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