Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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