she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize