so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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