like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
