i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.