That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
