we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
