hotel room ftw
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
