are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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