I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
