An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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