the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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