I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
