I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
