His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
