So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
