clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
