then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
