Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
