areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
