Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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