so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
