good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
