the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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