Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.