I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.