I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat