I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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