no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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