Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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