he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
